Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Rattletrap rattlings

Gasoline prices are going through the roof and we're going out of the house every day to shop for a car. We don't really care what kind of mileage a car gets because we only drive a few thousand miles a year. I bicycle more miles than we drive. But here's the thing we care about: Will a car fit the petite Crankette?
By fit, she means can she get an idea of the general location of the front and back of the car. You know, so she can park by sight rather than bumper sonar.
First problem: Almost all cars nowadays are built with their noses sloping to the ground and their butts proudly held high. You might as well be trying to park J. Lo in a marriage.
Second problem: Car salesmen don't understand the problem, or the problems, women have buying a car — small, smart women particularly. They want me, the man, to get orgasmic about the car's speedy lines and its boinky booty.
Today I dragged the Crankette to a Toyota/Scion dealer to look at a couple of new models. First we looked at a Scion Tc, a sporty, inexpensive kid racer that I thought might be to Crankette's scale. The salesman looked at her and said, somewhat condescendingly, "Have you ever driven a sports car?" (As if this car was in the league of an Austin-Healy 3000.)
"I just sold a CRX," said the Crankette, referring to her old pocket-rocket Honda two-seater.
"That's not a sports car," said the salesman.
"It sounded like one," said the Crankette, getting to the guts of what sports cars are supposed to do.
This guy wasn't getting anywhere with her, but he proceeded to throw open the Scion's doors, hatchback and hood as if it were a splayed lobster about to be served under a silver dome. The Crankette said she didn't care what was under the hood, just whether she could see where it ended, and then showed the salesman where to stow the hood-holder rod when he couldn't find the little plastic latch.
The downshot was, the Crankette couldn't see past the windshield wipers and had no idea where the front of the car was. "How will I park this?" she said.
"You'll get used to it," said the salesman, with the same tone shoe salesmen use when they say the shoes will break in.
No sale for that guy.
Well, I could go on, perhaps about the moment when the Crankette said she wanted to do a test sit in a Camry and the salesman looked at me as if for permission.
But I won't go on, for now. Tomorrow we'll go to the Honda/Acura dealer and take some other cars for test sits. And show some salesmen who's boss. The Crankette, that's who.
That's right, I'm no better than that Scion salesman. I couldn't convince the Crankette that it's easy to see where the hood ends on a Mercedes because of that convenient, $40,000 hood ornament. She said she'd rather glue Barbie dolls on top of each headlight.

92 Comments:

Blogger Dagny said...

I hate car salesmen. That's why I looked at cars in the showroom -- with the firm rule that they are not to bother me unless I direct a question their way -- but then went on the internet to get pricing.

If you are going to the Honda dealership, then you'll get a chance to see a real sports car, the S2000. I dream about that car.

6:51 PM  
Blogger cookiecrumb said...

Yeah, I dream about the S2000 too. But the old Crankette says I'd just be another old guy with a convertible and his gray hair blowing in the wind.

8:17 PM  
Anonymous cranky said...

Wait. For some reason that published as Cookiecrumb. Help, me here, Cranky. I don't know how to do this thing.

8:18 PM  
Anonymous KathyF said...

I woulda laid that saleman out on the floor for a crack like that. Or driven my muscle car right over him.

Get a Mini. I hear they are loads of fun to drive, too.

6:23 AM  
Blogger tofufighter said...

too bad that scion dealer was such a dud! i drive a scion xa - not a sports car by any stretch - but i LOVE it and i have very particular criteria for cars/parking. at first i thought it was too big... but really it's a perfect size and it can be parked anywhere.

7:25 AM  
Anonymous kudzu said...

Since I'm well under six feet tall (more like five), I have problems with parking and/or just driving new design cars. Right now I am happy with a Subaru wagon, smallest one (Impreza) which has the more box-like conformation, with its flat backside and large window. Not like the Alpha I once drove, but so much safer for me.

As for the salesman's behavior -- I have no words. They're rodents. In its defense, I must say that Saturn does a great pr job using women salespersons, mechanics, et al.

7:33 AM  
Blogger cranky said...

Thanks for all your car tips and outrage. Usually I find it an ordeal to visit car dealers, but it's kind of fun with the Crankette. She can dish out the hard unsell.

9:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have the opposite problem - tall, long legs. My very first car was an MGB, so I grew up thinking sitting on the floor with your legs stretched straight out in front of you was the way to drive. Comfy. Even in that car I had the seat back as far as it would go.

Cars now, I feel like I'm hitting my knees on the dash or the steering column every time I shift from one pedal to another. But I have to say, on some of those cars, with the downsloping hoods, even I have trouble seeing where the dang thing ends.

You know, I have a Chinese friend who's 4'8", and she bought a Jag because it was the only car she could reach the pedals and see out the windshield. Hee.

10:35 AM  
Blogger cranky said...

A Jag. Now we have a reason to buy a Jag.

10:42 AM  
Blogger Greg said...

I'd rather have a prostate exam than purchase a new car. The last two cars I bought from Hertz. They have a lot full of different brands at a fraction of the oringinal cost. They take a copy of your Drivers license and then you can drive any or all.No pressure.

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